seven weeks

It's been seven weeks since we officially began our foster parenting adventure.

Our little 13 month old is now 14 months old.

When she was first placed with us, she wouldn't stand on her own, even with us holding her up. She could pull herself up on the furniture, but she couldn't stand on her own. Now, she is standing on her own, and slowwwwwwly deciding to fit some steps in there.

She's seemed to decide she can be more picky with what she eats. For the past few weeks she ate almost every single thing we gave her. The exception was raspberries. However, this weekend, she decided to go on a little food strike. She likes to drop pieces of food over the side of the high chair, or reach out and feed what she can to the dog. They seem to have a mutual understanding of how things should work.

Once completely petrified of water, she now takes baths without any issue, splashing and playing until we pull her out.

When she first came to us, she wouldn't mimic anything we did. She would smile at us, but she wouldn't clap, wouldn't shake her head, wouldn't mimic our sounds. Now she plays peekaboo and gives us high fives and claps and plays her little piano. She's a total ham, flashing cheesy smiles with her eyes squeezed shut during meals, shaking her head when she knows she's doing something she shouldn't, sneaking dog food out of the bowl. She smiles for the camera because she totally knows her picture is being taken.

We just received an update from her caseworker. An update that basically said nothing has changed. Which can be good, it means we get more time with her... An undefined amount of time. But also left me heartbroken for this mom who has no support and few healthy relationships. So many miracles will need to happen for this little girl to be raised in a healthy home. I hope you will join us in praying for those miracles.

three weeks

Three weeks. It's been a mere three weeks since a sweet little 13 month old was placed in our home. She's had an incredible adjustment so far... Eats everything we offer her, sleeps through the night, takes great naps, and is generally content. We've had a lot of fun so far, and I love the way she lights up and reaches for me when I go to pick her up from school every day.

Foster care is such a funny little business. We went into this with the expectation that reunification will always be the goal for every child that comes into our home. Our job is to love her greatly right now. We don't know if she will still be with us in a year... we don't even know if she will be with us next week. It's funny because our loved ones seem more concerned about that fact than we do. "Don't get attached... prepare yourself for when they take her away..." I was attached to this little nugget before they even brought her to our home, so that's not going to work. And we don't have to prepare ourselves for that because it's always been part of the plan. It's not really preparation when every night when you put your kid to bed you think, "This might be the last time we do this." Will it suck? Yes. Will we cry? I've already cried. We won't just cry, we will grieve.  But we signed up for this. This baby deserves a chance to grow up with her mama as long as her mama is willing to care for her. And our job... our ONLY job at this point is to love her like our own right NOW.

Honestly, one of the hardest parts of foster care so far has been looking at this sweet little girl and seeing two potential lives. The life she could have if she grew up with us and the life she could have if she goes back home. Have you ever looked at your child and thought about all the hopes and dreams you have for their future? I do that too. But I won't get to see those dreams come true. She might not even have a chance to live out those dreams because she may not be provided with what she needs to do so. That's really terrifying to me. The idea that Nick and I could give her everything she needs to graduate high school, to be successful with her life after, to explore the world, to have tons of adventures and experiences that shape her... There's a good chance that when she goes back home, she won't have any of that. Graduating high school might be a huge accomplishment for her depending on her situation. Yet, that is the life she was born into. Is it crazy for me to think that if only she stays with us, things could be different for her? Better for her? I seriously feel terrible having those thoughts... I've made the conscious decision NOT to pray that she will stay with us forever, because how could I pray for a family to be ripped apart?  Instead, I pray that we love her with all we have here and now. That's all we can do. Her future is not in my hands. But even if she were staying, it wouldn't be anyway. So I pray every day that she grows up to know how much she is loved by the one who created her and who does hold her future.  That even when it's not me helping her learn and wiping her nose and comforting her when she's afraid, that she will continue to grow in wisdom and stature and favor in the eyes of God and man. Because even if tonight is my last night with her in my home, the story of her life will still be written, and He will still be the one writing it.

For the first week, the anxiety of them taking her away was overbearing. We still know very little about her case, and any guess of a timeline has not been provided. They had originally said they were looking for kin to take care of her. I still don't know if that could happen tomorrow. I don't know if they're still looking. Heck, I haven't talked to her social worker in almost 2 weeks. The unknown is pretty brutal. Honestly, my biggest fear was that our friends and family were going to give her things like clothes, and then they would take her away, and those people would be upset because they wasted their resources on her. It's kind of silly when I think about it. But sometimes, when we would say we didn't know how long we would have her, that it could be a couple weeks, or a couple months, or a year, sometimes, the looks on their faces would seem so concerned, which I would interpret as disappointment that we hadn't landed a kid that we could have forever or at least a year or so. But, as I consciously loved this baby with everything I had knowing that it could be the last night with her, I realized that this journey we are on is not just teaching us to love sacrificially, but teaching our friends and loved ones to love sacrificially as well. Why does it matter if we spend money on clothes and food and diapers if that's what she needs right now? God hasn't asked me to take care of her for the rest of her life. Just right now.

Ugh, sometimes, really selfish thoughts cross my mind when it comes to this. I am pouring all this work into this little human, who, after 3 weeks, has already shown tremendous growth socially, emotionally, and physically. Sometimes I get angry thinking about the fact that if she goes back soon, all that improvement could be lost. Or wasted on a parent who can't continue to provide for those needs. I secretly think, "You don't deserve her." How nasty is that? I'm ashamed to even think it. So I remind myself AGAIN that my job is to love her completely and fully right now. Regardless of the future. Regardless of anything that could happen. She is mine to love right now and right now only.

And PLEASE let it be said that I know very VERY little about her mother or family. These ideas that she won't get what she needs are just my thoughts, nothing solid, because I only have how she came to us to go off of. I don't want anyone, myself included, to "hate" her mother or judge her or think negatively of her just because she isn't in her care right now. She has her own story and deserves grace just as much as I do. Which makes all these conflicting emotions so hard. The desire for her to succeed because I want EVERY mother to succeed is constantly fighting against the secret quiet thoughts of entitlement and wanting to keep her and to love her forever and always.

I know this post is probably heavier than you may have expected. We have had a lot of fun... We've been to the beach, to the museum, to the park... I feel so blessed to get to be the object of her affections and to watch her gripe at Brickley when she runs past her to quickly, and even to get to suck those sticky little boogers out of her nose. But when people ask me how it's going, they are generally looking for a basic answer... "Oh great, she slept through the night!" "Fun, we went to the park and she loves to swing", or even "I need coffee." Not the messy emotions of a foster mom hoping for more time but also feeling guilty for hoping for it...

So now you know. How I really feel. How within three weeks, foster parenting has already been one of the most joyous and challenging and heartbreaking experiences I have faced in my 26 years of life. And we haven't even dealt with anything yet. All they did was hand us a baby and have us sign a paper.

A Whole Lot of Waiting

Happy Monday! This week is going to be a fun one. I'm finishing up our Halloween costumes for parties/work and can't wait to debut them! Last year, we were the tooth fairy and a tooth. I wanted to do another couples costume that was cute and clever. It's going to take some construction, but I'm excited about the prospects! 

Last weekend, we spent time in Maine. It really was a relaxing weekend... Just what we needed at the time. 

On Thursday, we had our third home study. This involved individual interviews, lifestyle conversations, and a house safety tour. Now, the worker writing our study will spend the next few weeks writing a document about our lives. We will then meet to sign off on it so it can be sent in for certification. 

In the meantime, we have to do the following things: 

- Set up our landline and buy a telephone. ((Have one you don't use anymore?! We will take it!))

- Babyproof the house: outlets, cabinets, etc. We also have to make sure all meds, cleaning supplies, and alcohol is either locked up or inaccessible. 

- Buy a crib and set up the nursery. 

- Get background clearances from Missouri and Texas. I THINK I know what we need to do for Missouri, but am still a little confused about Texas. If you know or can help, let me know! 

We have been so blessed by some people in our lives who have given us things like bottles, car seats, bibs, baby baths, and high chairs, as well as clothes! 

As we wait, it's easy to be hesitant about this choice we are making. Are we sure we want our freedom and sleep snatched from us? ((Does anyone?)) Do we really want the inconveniences a child... a foster child... brings? During this waiting time, I find myself fighting the selfish desire for things to stay the same. But I can choose to be obedient, or I can choose to be selfish. We know that, for some reason, God has asked us to take care of babies who need a stable, loving home. Now. Not after we have our own kids... Now. And while I can't really give a reason why, He's been pulling on my heart for years now, preparing me and Nick for such a time as this. So, even when the desire to wait or hold off tries to pull me away, I stand confident in our decision to be foster parents now. 

With that said, we are still praying for December! Please join us in praying for everything to get turned in quickly and without any set backs. Pray that the clearances get done soon and come back quickly! Pray that we can find a day care when the time comes! Pray for our hearts as we prepare for this change. And of course, pray for the little one and his/her parents. 

Working Toward Foster Care

  Oh hello! So I know I still need to update 5 days or so on our Europe adventure. Honestly, that feels so long ago at this point. When September came with classes and trainings and tests and random illnesses, I was forced to push fun things like blogging and reading out of the way. Ho Hum. 

I want to start documenting our newest adventure... Foster parenting. Many of you have asked for details and how to help. So, here you go. 

So as most of you know, Nick and I began the journey to be foster parents back in July. Some people, with good intentions, told us we didn't know what we were doing. But even if it looked like it, this was not an abrupt, random decision. I have always known that I would adopt domestically some day. I strongly believe that every Christian has a blatant command from God to care for the orphans and needy. For some, that may mean providing resources or awareness. For me specifically, it means providing a home and a family. Nick and I went into our marriage knowing that we would some day pursue adoption. But Foster care was not on the front of my mind. 

In late college, some people in my life started to foster and share about how it was changing their lives. Over the first couple years of our marriage, other friends and acquaintances began to foster young children. When we moved to Rhode Island, and into a home with multiple bedrooms, I started looking into the state regulations. At the time, though, it was not possible for us to foster, mainly due to the state of the house we were living in at the time. It would not have passed a lead inspection. 

So, after a couple of years, we moved, and I started looking into it again. There was no big reason or change for why I was looking into fostering over adoption or giving birth... It just seemed like a natural thing for us to do. So many people say they could never do it, which is why we wanted to do it. Every time I would talk to Nick about it, he agreed that he was up for it... Some day. 

One summer Sunday morning, I was teaching PreK Sunday school at our church, and a fellow team member started talking about how she was almost certified to be a foster parent. I was so excited to find someone in Rhode Island who was going to be a Foster parent! She told me about the agency she was getting certified through, and so I went home and looked them up. I sent the recruiting lady an email for more information, and told Nick that I thought it was time to at least look seriously at Foster care. We had the space, we had the home, and our schedules were finally somewhat stable. He agreed to at least start researching it. 

So, in July, we met with the recruiter at the agency, filled out an initial application, and got all the information we needed to get started. We made the decision to go forward... Which was crazy at first, since the process would probably take 3-5 months. I started to panic because all the things expecting parents have 8-9 months to plan for, we had 3. 

We filled out all our background checks and got fingerprinted before we left for France. I'm glad we had that 9 day break in the middle, because it slowed me down and kept me from completely losing it. Our training didn't start until September 6, so we had a month to just sort of sit and wait. 

Since then, we've sat through 26 hours of training, two home study visits, a fire inspection, and a lead safe inspection. We've had physicals and TB tests. We've filled out pages and pages and pages of paperwork about our parents, siblings, childhoods, and memories. We've discussed how we were disciplined and how we plan on disciplining and how often we fight and what we fight about. We've contacted at least 10 day cares and toured one. 

Up next, we have a couple more home study visits, and then will need to prepare our home for the baby. This will involve buying a lock box to lock up all medications and moving all cleaners and chemicals out of the bottom cabinets, as well as switching our bedrooms and getting the nursery ready. We have said that we would prefer an infant under the age of 1, but otherwise, we have no idea the age or gender! 

On Monday, we got to have some fun registering in Target. Well, I enjoyed it. :)

We have had so many people ask us what we need, so we figured we would register to help communicate our needs with anyone who wants to help. If you have kids, and see something on the list that you have and don't use anymore, we would be so grateful for any used items. If you don't have kids and just want to know what we need, the list is there for you, too! Since we do not know the specifics on age and gender, some items, like diapers and clothes, have been skipped. We are so grateful for the people who have given us baby girl clothes that their daughter has outgrown. If you or someone you know has baby boy clothes they are no longer using, we might need them! 

http://www.target.com

Search for Haley Purdy or Nick Jensen. 

For some reason, it won't let me change my last name from when we registered for our wedding. 

So, take a look at the list, and if you have something around your house that you don't need anymore, we would love to take it off your hands. Or, if you'd like to help us out by purchasing something on the list, we would, of course, be so grateful for that, too. 

 We are so excited to start building up our collection of baby essentials!! 

There are also a few things you could pray for us: 

- that we find a day care that is safe, nurturing, has room, and takes the tuition from the state. That has definitely been the most frustrating part of this process. 

- that Nick and I grow closer to God and to each other as we prepare to add a munchkin to our family

- For the parents of this future foster baby, and whatever situation they are in. 

- that everything from here on out goes smoothly with the certification process

So that's the latest with the fostering process. We are preparing for December, but realize that we have to be flexible with time. :) 

Be sure to like our facebook page to get updates as things go along! 

Haley