security

"If you choose to obey Jesus's call to follow, what might it cost you?" 

[Francis Chan, Multiply]

A year and a half ago, Nick and I had a decision to make. We could pursue jobs near our families and home towns, or we could move to New England. We could seek security in what we "knew" would provide, or we could seek security in God's promise. It honestly wasn't a hard decision at the time. We both felt that we would be blatantly disobeying God if we said no to Rhode Island and continued to search for an engineering job in the Midwest. So we moved. We chose the ministry planting life instead of the engineering life. We chose to fundraise Nick's salary instead of a job where his salary was provided. 

A year and a half later, we are still on that path, but the decision has not remained easy. I need those daily reminders that God is my security, and that living the "American Dream" is not necessarily Christ-centered reality. 

Recently, I was watching a show based in Waco about house hunting. I couldn't believe how low their budget was and how much they could get for that "low" number. I cried, yall. Laid on my couch in my lovely home overlooking the bay and cried. Nick just patted my back while I had a nice little pity party with myself, wishing that we still lived in a place where we could buy the dream house within a reasonable budget.

Sadly, it wasn't the first time. Over the past few months, as my friends have been buying houses, I find myself comparing my situation to theirs, thinking, "If only Nick had an engineering job, we could buy a house." Or, "If only we didn't live in a place where the cost of living involved also selling our arms and legs too, we could find an awesome fixer-upper with a yard for a dog." I'm so excited for my friends, but comparison really is the thief of joy, isn't it?

In college, I had the *perfect* dream.  I wanted to move Flower Mound after graduation, live in a pretty neighborhood with a huge yard, attend The Village Church and send my kids to a private Christian school. Of course, moving somewhere new always sounded exciting, but did not seem as realistic. Safe and familiar sounds better than unknown and unsure, right?  I think that's why I am where I am now. God knows that if he gives me the worldly security I sometimes desire, I'll just set up camp and never leave. I could be very happy living in that little FloMo bubble... But how could I find true joy if I'm ignoring God's very obvious calling in my life? He doesn't want me to live in Flower Mound. Sure, He wants some people to live there, but not me. He wants me in Providence. He doesn't want Nick to be an engineer right now. There are plenty of engineers. But you know what there aren't plenty of? People working daily to show college students in Rhode Island how much God loves them. I'm grateful for a husband who is confident in where God has placed him. And while I hope that He wants us to own a house some day, I have to be ok with the fact that that day is not today. 

My challenge, for myself and for you, is that as we pursue God's plan for us, that we would not ignore His requests in order to cling to worldly security. Because really, nothing is secure if it's not in Him. 

"The Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for Him." 
[Lamentations 3:24]